i pondered

i had a miscarriage last month. i don't want anyone to say "i'm so sorry," because i'm not. it is a very matter-of-fact happening in my life. i wasn't struck with sorrow, because i didn't even know i was pregnant until it was happening, and i don't want another baby right now. if i had taken a pregnancy test, i probably would have been devastated, but i simply -- wasn't. 

i waited for emotions to come, but they never did. i was going to write about how i felt, about the experience, but this is all it was: i don't at all compare my experience with a miscarriage to someone who's heart already knows and loves their baby, even if it's only been for a day or two. when it was happening, i pondered the soul that entered my body and then was gone, and it was bittersweet. i didn't even cry.